I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
