You made me cry and you don't even care
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
