I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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