Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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