Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Michael Bay diarrhea
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
