woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
