all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
