FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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