I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
a search helicopter?!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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