and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
