Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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