True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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