i may or may not be watching the land before time
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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