I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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