im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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