I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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