Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
