Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
