____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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