I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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