im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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