So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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