the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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