Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
