I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
