I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
