On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
