Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
