you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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