I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He better not be in your backpack
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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