fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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