dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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