I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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