Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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