I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
