It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She announced her abortion via fbk
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
