We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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