The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
