I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
