I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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