who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
