somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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