Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
