Hey man sorry I got all grabby
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize
