Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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