hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
