Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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