There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
