Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
