Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
