So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
